


candles.

by ultsmrk



Series: — other;; [2]
Category: NCT, NCT Dream
Genre: AU, Angst, Birthday, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-22 21:04:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19967767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultsmrk/pseuds/ultsmrk
Summary: “Jisung?” Jeno asks, as he watches Jisung staring at the candles that are still lit. “Aren’t you gonna blow out the candles?”“Not yet, hyung.” Jisung stammers, as his tears drip down his cheeks and onto the cake. “Just a little while longer.”"Once I blow out these candles, you'll fade away too."--In which Jisung celebrates his eighteenth birthday with the friends he holds most dear.





	candles.

The bell above the convenience store door chimes, as Park Jisung shuffles through in slides, a pair of shorts covered by a long hoodie, and a mask shielding his face. The tall boy shuffles through the store, filling a basket with glittering silver banners with the words ‘ _Happy Birthday_ ’ written in big, dark blue letters. He then walks around to another aisle and picks up a cake with white frosting, and candles. Finishing off by grabbing a handful of helium balloons, Jisung makes his way over to the counter.

The clerk gets each item out carefully, scanning them and carefully placing them into a bag. As she does, she has a visible smile on her face, as she kindly greets Jisung, who shuffles around nervously.

“Special occasion?” The clerk asks, nodding towards the banners and balloons.

“Yeah.” Jisung nods, mustering a small smile. “It’s my birthday.”

“Ah!” The clerk smiles wider. “Happy birthday! How old are you?”

“18.” Jisung replies, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Are you throwing a party?” The clerk says as she carefully places the banners into the bag, placing the cake and candles on top.

“Yeah.”

“I would have thought your friends might throw you a party.” The clerk says, mainly to herself as a slight snide remark.

“They’ve been rather busy lately.” Jisung mumbles, a lump rising in his throat as he thinks of his friends, of Dream. “So, I did the job for them.”

“At least you’re still having a party.” The clerk smiles again, before changing the subject. “Do you want me to blow these up for you?”

“Yes, please.”

“Alright. As for your total, 30,000 won.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jisung fumbles in his pockets, pulling out his wallet from his shorts. Getting out the right amount, his hands shake as he places the money on the counter. The clerk thinks nothing of it; she simply takes the money and puts it in the register before thrusting the receipt at Jisung. She then leaves, taking the balloons to blow them up. She comes back with two blown-up balloons: one displaying a happy birthday greeting, the other two showing the number 18.

“Thanks.” Jisung musters another smile as he takes the balloons and heads for home. Gripping tightly onto the balloons in one hand, Jisung carries the bag in the other, walking carefully to avoid messing up the cake. Thankfully, the dorm isn’t too far away from the store, and Jisung just about manages to get back into the dorm with ease.

Jisung is greeted with darkness, not a sound filling the spacious dorm. Letting out a sigh, Jisung flicks on a light and places the bag on the nearest counter surface. Walking across the living area, Jisung grabs one of the white end tables and places it in the middle of the room. He then goes back to the bag and gets out the cake and candles, placing the cake on the table and resting the candle box on top. Going back to the bag, Jisung pulls out the banners and puts them up around the living room. He then grabs the balloons and positions them next to the table.

Pulling the candles out of the box, Jisung pushes them into the cake carefully. He then leaves the cake to grab a matchbox from the kitchen. Going back to the cake, he strikes a match and guides his shaking hand over the candles, lighting them one by one. Blowing out the match, Jisung moves the matches out of the way before jumping up, walking over to the light switch and turning out the light. The light of the candles guide him back to his spot, as he sits in front of the cake, staring at the flickering flames.

He hesitates.

“Jisung-ah!” Jaemin’s voice fills the room, as Jisung looks up to see his friends sitting around him. On both sides of him was Jaemin and Jeno. Next to Jaemin, Renjun. Next to Jeno, Donghyuck. And, directly in front of Jisung, is Chenle. Each boy with wide smiles and sparkling eyes. Jisung’s heart twitches.

“Why the long face, Jisung-ah?” Jaemin asks, tilting his head slightly as he looks towards the youngest. Jisung bites on his bottom lip, his heart aching as he looks away from his friends and stares at his lap.

“Yeah, Jisung.” Jeno hums, a wide smile on his face which lights up the room as much as the birthday candles. “It’s your birthday!”

“You can’t be sad on your birthday, Jisung.” Renjun chimes. “We’re not allowing it.”

“No, we aren’t.” Donghyuck agrees, as the other boys nod in agreement.

“Shall we sing, perhaps?” Chenle asks, and the other boys look at each other, before they all slowly smile and begin to sing.

“ _Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you~!_ ”

“ _Happy birthday, dear Jisung~!_ ” The boys laugh as Donghyuck pulls off a high-note, extending it for a few seconds before ending it flawlessly.

“ _Happy birthday to you!_ ”

“Jisung?” Jeno asks, as he watches Jisung staring at the candles that are still lit. “Aren’t you gonna blow out the candles?”

“Not yet, hyung.” Jisung stammers, as his tears drip down his cheeks and onto the cake. “Just a little while longer.”

Jisung lets out a sigh, mumbling to himself.

“ _Once I blow out these candles, you’ll all fade away too, just like the smoke.”_

In truth, Jisung was all alone in that dark dorm room. The rest of Dream weren’t with him -- there hasn’t been an NCT Dream for three months. Not since the five members died in a car crash.

Jisung was in the dorms with a raging cold, when the five members of Dream were leaving to record _Don’t Need Your Love_. Jisung could never forget that day -- nor what he said, when he told Donghyuck that he was fine and he’s sure SM will add him into the song when he was well enough.

On the way home, a speeding driver sped past a red light and collided head-on into the side of the van. The impact was enough to kill all the boys. The driver and manager got out with minor scrapes and cuts. Jisung saw the crash on the news, yet, he didn’t know the rest of Dream were involved until he arrived at the practice room later that day, and saw the rest of NCT looking lost, barely focusing on practice.

The managers told Jisung that he didn’t have to live in the dorm anymore. If he wanted to move, he could move in with 127, or WayV. Jisung rejected the offer, insisting on living in the same dorm, despite him being on his own. It was the only way he could hold onto them. On days he felt alone, he would sit in one of their rooms and remember the times he shared with that member.

On nights that he’s plagued with bad dreams or insomnia, he would shuffle down the hall to Chenle’s room, curling up on Chenle’s bed with one of Chenle’s hoodies. Sometimes, Jisung would take his phone with him, and watch old videos he did with Chenle as he softly sobs into the hoodie that he would clutch with shaking hands.

The song the boys were recording wasn’t released as planned -- the managers decided to wait a year, to give the fans the chance to fully grieve the lost of the members. NCT practically stopped all activities, each of them feeling the effects of the loss in a different, yet still powerful, way.

But tonight, the memory of the boys is so powerful for Jisung that he can practically see them. He can feel them next to him. Their smiles light up the room, their laughter fills the air. Jisung can’t help but to cry, sobbing as he watches the boys laugh, sing and have fun as they celebrate Jisung’s birthday.

“Jisung-ah..” Jaemin hums, grinning at Jisung. “Do you want this cake to taste of wax? Blow out the candles!”

“But, what about you guys?” Jisung asks. “Once the candles are out, what then?”

“We’ll still be here. As long as you’re around, as long as you’re thinking of us, where would we go to?” Jeno says.

“I…” Jisung sighs, a lump rising in his throat as he chokes the words out. “I miss you guys.”

“We miss you too, Jisung.” Donghyuck smiles. “You’re the bestest friend anyone can ask for.”

“I.. really love you guys.” Jisung mumbles.

“We love you too, dude.” Chenle chuckles. “Now, blow out those candles!”

Jisung nods, wiping his tears with his sleeve. Getting onto his knees, Jisung positions himself over the cake. Jisung hears his heart pounding in his chest, his shallow breathing fills his ears as he wants to wait a little while longer, but, he knows he can’t. Squeezing his eyes shut, Jisung licks his lips, purses them, and blows out his candles.

And, just as he said, the boys fade away. The room is dark again, and Jisung sits down, pulling his knees to his chest as he rests his head on them. He bites his lip to muffle his sobs, as the tears fall again.

Then, he hears a quiet voice. _Chenle._ They were still there with Jisung, just as Jeno had said. _So long as Jisung is still here, so long as Jisung still thinks of them._

“ _Happy birthday, Jisung._ ”


End file.
